I Was Walking With A Ghost

I am so incredibly nervous. You cannot continue to put me in this difficult position. I'm at your command, yet you don't realize the power you have over me. I've been advised against this time and time again, and yet I can't control it. This attraction is as natural as breathing; you cannot deny that. You mean more than you might ever realize, and that scares me. I try so hard to forget about the infinite complications, but they don't seem to matter very much to you, despite their importance and relevance to your life in particular. I suppose that I am just entirely unsure of what to think, unsure of what to make of this. I am trying to merely let what happens happen, to let the chips fall where they may, but I feel so out of control and I absolutely cannot stand it. I'm hopeless. I know what I should do, but it does not coincide with what I WANT to do, and I think that maybe, just once, I'd like things to play out the way I want them to. I want, just once, to feel like I matter enough for that to happen. I want, just once, to feel truly happy because I got the thing I wanted most. I feel more conflicted than I dare say I have ever been, but I know what I want and I think that might overpower my logic, just this once. I get the feeling that in due time, things will shift dramatically and certain things may come to light. I'm just unsure of who will end up getting hurt in the end, and I do not look forward to finding out, because it may very well be me.