This summer has blown by me in a whirlwind of applications and afternoons spent alone and mountain ledges and days at sea and movie nights and too many texts and fights and excellent music. There are only twenty days left until school starts up, and it will be so bittersweet. In the very beginning of summer, I hardly did anything and spent so many hours just waiting and reading and waiting for school to start again so I'd have something to do. And now my summer is really in full swing and I've met so many amazing people and I have so many amazing memories and I'm kind of sad that it will have to come to an end at some point. Bittersweet, indeed.
I have high hopes for this year. I wished on a shooting star up on Randolph Ledge on the last night of camp that it would be a good year, one to remember. I want to make it count. It's my last year before college and that, too, is bittersweet. For one, I can't wait to get the hell out of here and get on to college where I can grow and learn the things I want to learn and on, and on, and on. But at the same time, I feel like this year might be a really good one, one that will make up for all the crap that's gone on in the last seven years since I've lived here. And all of the crap before that, too. Maybe I will feel a little bit of remorse in leaving this place. I'm not particularly thrilled about that possibility. But I've learned a lot here and I have a lot of good people here who care about me. Does a butterfly or a moth feel remorse when they exit their cocoon and spread their wings into their new lives, as new creatures, in a new world? Do they feel sadness when they think back to that cocoon that held them so carefully, so safely during their transition into adulthood?
I suppose I will find out.
I don’t know how caterpillars making the metamorphosis to butterflies really feel.
ReplyDeleteI think they feel how I do now, in a way. I am equally terrified and exhilarated, but – I think – ready for this change. In 16 days, I will be leaving the only home I really remember - leaving for something, someone, and somewhere that I don’t even know. It’s time for me to be an adult, and take all those responsibilities, because now I actually have them. I can’t decide if it’s a blessing or a curse in disguise.
No matter how the caterpillar feels, though, I don’t think they can let their nostalgia for what once was hold them back, and keep them from living a fulfilling life as a butterfly.
Myself, I did not have the best senior year, but I often forgot about the anticipation and high hopes that you often write of. I remember these now, as I go off to college, senses renewed. Now I have to work on not forgetting them. ☺
The future holds something different for everyone, though. For you, my well-written friend, I hope it is the best.
Not sure if it makes me a weirdo for reading this, but I saw it on your facebook page and decided to check it out. I'm a little sick and it's really late so sorry if I don't make the most sense...
ReplyDeleteI get most of what you're saying, although it's a bit backwards for me. My summer started off pretty exciting, but has since dulled, so school is somewhat welcomed. Except for you know, actually having to do something.
And I can't quite relate to the whole leaving the house part. I've only been in Nashua for 3 years, so it doesn't mean a whole lot to me now (although it will several years down the line, I'm sure). I've missed Jacksonville (Florida) a ton though, and now that I'm back down here, I realize that my memories of this place are definitely better than actually coming back. My neighborhood's a dump now, and it kinda feels like friends are few and far between.
I don't know, I guess that's enough rambling from practically a stranger.
chao, cuidate
(Matt)